How to Ask Someone Out like a True Gentleman

There is a monthly average of 4,000 searches of “how to ask someone out” in the US alone.

Why is this significant? Well, to think that we have evolved in a lot of ways since the dawn of the internet, many of us are still at a loss when it comes to basic human interaction.

We can study patterns and behaviors, but no one can really predict what a person will say or do because we all change at some point. Then again, there are nuances you can consider to get the best results possible.

One example is knowing how to ask someone out, whether it be a stranger, a friend, or a colleague (although I highly discourage dating someone you work with).

Really, what is the best way to go about this?

For me, being a gentleman always takes the cake. While you know the basics of what being a gentleman entails, here are some other tips to consider.

Look and sound the part

Imagine going out to pick up your laundry. You’re in your boxers, Adidas slides, and your favorite band shirt. You feel comfortable enough to be seen in public.

Then, on the way to the laundry shop, you pass by a cafe and spot an attractive woman reading a book. You can’t help but notice that it’s the same book you finished reading just a week ago.

You stop in your tracks and badly want to approach her and say hi.

We might have a connection. We’re basically reading the same book!

Without thinking about it too much, you approach her and ask how she’s doing.

She looks up and chuckles.

You look down, and suddenly you’re overwhelmed with embarrassment.

Oh, right. I’m in my boxers.

I know these spur of the moment experiences happen quite often. We’re only human. We’re easily attracted to possibilities when the odds seem to be in our favor.

But the point is to make a good first impression. And showing up in your boxers may not make the cut.

When asking someone out, consider your appearance and surroundings. Like I said, there are nuances to consider.

Small talk never hurt nobody

So you took care of looking and sounding the part. What’s next? Do you ask her out right away or engage in small talk first?

I would say that the latter is more likely to work out simply because it will allow the other person to feel comfortable in your presence. By hearing your tone of voice, they can assess whether you sound forceful and arrogant or smart and friendly.

Also, there is no need to rush. Unless you’re about to hop on a train and you spotted an attractive lady who just got off. Not an ideal situation you want to get into.

Look for similarities

Next question, what do you even talk about with a complete stranger?

Back to the fictional scenario I described earlier. You look the part, you hope you sound the part, so what exactly do you say to her the moment your eyes meet?

Hi there! I don’t mean to bother you, but I couldn’t help but notice that you’re reading the latest novel by Sally Rooney. I admire her work. Are you enjoying it so far?

Or

Hi! That’s a great book you’re reading, I thoroughly enjoyed it myself. How are you finding it so far?

The point is to lead with a statement that will demonstrate your purpose, then end with a question to show that you’re interested in what she has to say.

Expect rejection

The worst thing that can happen is that she tells you to go away or she’ll call the cops. (Although I highly doubt it, unless you’re being an AH.)

Even if you don’t get to ask for her name or number, or even the possibility of taking her out for coffee, know that you mustered up the courage to approach someone you like. Not a lot of people are that confident, let alone at small talk.

So regardless of whether you hit it off or not, consider the experience as practice. Like with everything else, you eventually get better at something the more you do it.

Walk away with a smile

A graceful exit is just as impactful as your initial approach. No scoffing or “I didn’t think you were that attractive anyway” vibe if you ever get rejected. Thank the lady for her time, with a warm smile if you can. Then make your exit.

The thing is, when you expect rejection, it’s less likely to sting when it does happen. And don’t think of it as “setting yourself up for disappointment” because it’s not. A lot of the things we worry so much about, it’s all in our head.

Perspective matters just as much. So if she declines your invite to go out sometime, be grateful that she was honest. Imagine if she said yes out of politeness or pity. Eventually, she’s going to have to call it off.

Also, always remember this saying:

Not everyone will meet your preferences the same way that you’re not everyone’s type. So it’s a fair world. But how you carry yourself will play a role in whether a person takes an interest in you or not.

In other words, there’s a difference between being mindful about your approach and just winging it.

And again, you’re bound to learn what works and what doesn’t the more you put it into practice.

What’s important is that you are a true gentleman regardless of the outcome.

. . .

This article was originally published on Medium:

https://katya-koval.medium.com/how-to-ask-someone-out-like-a-true-gentleman-97f220beeb79